Monday, June 22, 2009

You are my strength when I am weak...

This picture makes me pollinated eyes boring into my soul ;)

Jarrod said I should be as angry with myself as I was with another person....but I was MORE than that, I was physically ill.
I was SO disgusted with my behavior that I wanted to get that feeling OUT of my body!

I won't/can't bore you with the details, but I made a mistake. A significant mistake.....unknowingly.....and then I blamed someone else. And when they didn't own up to it, and really reacted rudely I was LIVID.

Now, I'm not a yeller, or much of a you have to know that I had worked myself up pretty good even FEEL angry at this person. But I thought by the time I was reacting that I was justified..... Have you ever done that?

So I stated my case, rationally and considerately and it was NOT taken well.
And my complaints affected many people. They harmed our finances, and affected my husband....but I had NO idea it was my fault.

Then today, I discovered my mistake. And I felt, for the first time, what it was like to REALLY have wronged someone. Mind you, no one was cussed at, my voice never raised, my words were only in writing...and they REALLY were polite......but none of that changes the rashness of my decision to complain...and the reprecussions therein.

So today as I pondered my mistake, I realized what it felt like to NEED forgiveness. It had been awhile since I really felt like I had a HUGE sin I needed erased!
I had been ugly....if only in my was enough.

Do you realize that you thoughts can have profound consequences?
I was praying for a resolution....wondering if I needed to crawl away, gravelling and apologizing.....but that would probably make it worse....and to tell you the truth, I STILL don't know what I'll do about the whole situation........
but I'm grateful for the glimpse into my own heart.

For out of the wellspring of our heart flows the mouth......that's a Proverb......
and I NEED that in my head so that I'll never be in this situation again.
We ALL fall short of the glory of God......and I know this....but it was scary to feel SO far from His grace......I had acted feeling justified....but God never called me to take vengence into my own hands.....for what we've thought in our hearts is the same as the action....and I actually hated someone for a time!

My patience faltered, and I made decisions without going forward in peace....I did what I WANTED to do....
and that's just NOT going to be good enough!
I long for better. I long for resolution.....and I long for it now.

Meanwhile this song keeps playing in my head.....
This is our lullaby at night....and my heart So wants rest...

You are my strength when I am weak.
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all......

When I fall down you pick me up.
When I am dry you fill my cup
You are my all in all...

Jesus, Lamb of God.
Worthy is your Name.....

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame.
Rising again, I bless Your name.
You are my all in all.
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all.

Friday, June 19, 2009

It's a dog eat dog world out there....

The first night we brought home this little guy (on right)
Jarrod must have said...."This is NOT going to work," atleast half a dozen times!
Foxy (our first dog on the left) growled everytime our little Dacshund moved.
Here you can see Jarrod's attempt at peacemaking.

And it worked! We sat on the floor with those two for over an hour.....and finally the little dog.....whom we now call Dash.......let out a fed up bark or two....and Foxy Loxy stopped her incessant hounding of the pup.
Foxy Loxy is only 3 years old, and she's never had a litter, so we didn't expect her to respond well to Dash's attempts at suckling or snuggling with her. But the growling was a bit uncalled for!
She is just very protective of her family.

We realize now that we should have introduced them on neutral territory like at Marmar and Papi's....but hindsight being what it is....we survived!

Check them out now....
Foxy Loxy seems to love playing with her little buddy!

They romp and play chase and mouth each other.......and despite Foxy Loxy having the OBVIOUS size advantage.....she very gentle!

Ah, peace is restored to Weinerville.

Thanks for tuning in....I promise NOT to become a dogblogger....
just thought I'd update you on our latest addition ;)

When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.Theodore Roosevelt

Sunday, June 14, 2009

This Little Light of Mine.....

Please meet the hero of my story.....Mr. HyTop Lemon Juice.
But first an intro:

There are certain pet peeves that a momma must work around or learn to finagle......
In our family, the peace at dinner time is one of them.....
I'm not sure what's in the water...but within five minutes of sitting down to eat.......ATLEAST one of my kids has to run to the restroom.....fine. No problem.
That is......unless it's your 3-year old who WILL NOT go the bathroom by herself.
Instead she would like company.....and if you follow her...prepare to be entertained!

She'll tell you a story, sing you a song...all the while 'doing her business.'
You ARE her captive audience afterall!
It can be a cute trait......something I tell myself to treasure in some weird way......
she won't always want company in the restroom......right?
So most of the time we humor her.
But when this time falls at dinner time....and I've JUST stuck a bite in my mouth....
well, the last thing I want to do is visit a water closet!
My hubby tends to feel the same....especially at the end of a long day, when we've finally poured drinks for everyone, distributed napkins, fetched the placemats, etc.....
all we're thinking about is enjoying our food.
So one night my clever hubby tells Talia to go ahead and go by herself......we'll be there to help her 'clean up'....but go ahead and get started without us. (Now before you go thinking we're sending a rookie in there alone......please know that she's been potty trained for over a year.....there judgement gone................ she KNOWS what to do in the bathroom!)
But of course, in her sweet little mind, it's MUCH too dark in there to go alone. Sure there is a light, but what will she do until that switch gets flicked?
Sad faces, and pleading ensues.....and Natalia is just as eloquent as Daddy here ;)
So he snaps out of HIS whining and tells her....."Take this's your special lantern."
Enter our hero.........."I'll save the day!"

Surprisingly this WORKS!
Natalia took the 'lantern,' set it on the counter .....and even sat in the dark (!) so she could see her lantern 'glow.'
I was amazed that it worked! So needless to say we checked our theory several more times.....and lo and behold! She loves this bottle of Lemon Juice!
It takes ALL of our self-control not to giggle when she says, "Oh! I have to go potty." Then she runs to the fridge, gets out her lantern and runs off to use the facilities! Now I must add....that it's not gullibility we're working on here......She knows perfectly well that this is all a game....but she CHOOSES to play along....and it's inspired such independence! So I on!
I even had to fill the darn thing with water when I used the last of it to make lemonade!
So there it sits, peacefully inside our fridge door.....serving no purpose other than to ensure a peaceful dinnertime!
Who knew it could be that easy?
so I say.....Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!
What's your favorite use for Lemon Juice?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Would you let me leave?

Even as a scorned lover He still wants me.

That's all I could think while I was listening to my new music crush Marc Broussard.

(Thanks Trish :)

There is a chorus that he sings in this song and it was So poignant:

How many times have I come to you beaten and broken and under attack
How can you look in my eyes and my heart and not see that there's something I lack
Why is it that I'm as bad as I am, but I know that you'll never believe....
Why do you still love me...when all I have done is to lie and deceive?

Though it's a song about a scoundrel ........can't we all relate to not 'feeling' good enough to be loved? Am I a perpetual liar? No.... Am I a murderer? A thief? No.....but I'm full of excuses and half-truths about why I can't quite 'do the right thing' all the time. Could I love more richly, forgive more freely, bless others more selflessly....heck yeah.

The point is that my sins are no bigger than your sins, but still uglier than perfection.

I love the definition of sin as 'missing the mark' really anything off center is still OFF!
That's why we're all incapable of becoming deities (Sorry to break it to you)
But still I am loved.....with all my blemishes. Am I just being self-deprecating? No. I want to be honest. To be broken before this God who acknowledges my sins and yet risked it all to swoop me off my feet. To save my soul so that I could choose to love him.


She went after her lovers....and forgot me. Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.

2:16 In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.

To be loved, in faithfulness, rightly, with justice and compassion.
It's a beautiful thing.

And that's the thing with love songs....even the most gorgeous melody can't mask the imperfections of human love. We are fickle. We are fallen. We are broken.

But we are made to love. Our human love here is just a glimpse of the romance and adoration that is meant for all creation.

I just can't imagine being loved outside of the knowledge of Christ.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

What's up Girl?

**had to include my 3 year old's self-portrait......I'm feeling a litte outside of the lines lately too.

So I'm talking to a dear friend and she mentions that she is taking her daughter to dance.....and she'll be sans little ones while she waits....

"Ooooo," I say, "You should take your laptop and blog while you wait."

She very graciously tries not to laugh as she says.

"No I take my Bible and study dear!"

Oh, yeah.

She probably has no idea that her gracious response was a HUGE smack in the head that I've needed! (well now she does since she reads this blog ;)

The cool thing is that's what friends are give that theoretical slap in the face that we need.
I mean What's UP, if reading the Word is not my first priority?

I can whip out a dozen excuses as to why it's not at the forefront of my mind....
lately we've been cruising at lightspeed with all of our activities and fun.
But it's a sad, sad day when I realize that my quiet time is non-existent and that I've spent MORE time blogging than I have studying!

Even now as I type the pull is there to hurry up and sign off.

This family exists because we put priority on hearing from God in our life....and how can I hear if I'm not listening?

Thanks friend.
I needed that.

And thanks Lord for never failing to reach me when I'm standing on the outskirts of the party.
Like the gentle lover you stretch out your arm and spin me back into the dance.
I missed you.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Summer is almost here....and my dreamers are ready!

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. Ralph Vaull Starr

Monday, June 1, 2009

S.S.S- The Great Inventor

So my kids have started to hate Courtney....and I can't blame em.....they are powerless, at my shutter snapping mercy! But she brought about a deep conversation the other day as one of the kids threw some major attitude at the park and I had to dissect through the emotions and get down to the real issue....this is the quick it happened:
Kid #1 (staring down Courtney with icy glances): Stop taking pictures mom!
Me: You won't even know I'm here...keep playing...
Kid #1 (turning away): I KNOW you're just going to put these on your blog and I look dumb!
Me: You don't look're perfect!
Kid #1 copped SO much attitude we took our conversation over to a park bench.
This was more than I cuold address in the middle of a playground.....
Me: putting down Courtney: Why do you think you look dumb?
Kid #1: I just do!
Me: Do you think Daddy looks dumb?
Kid #1: Noooo
Me: Do you think I look dumb? (holding my am I asking for it or what?)
Kid #1: No!
Me (whew): Well you're a perfect mix of both Daddy and how could YOU look dumb?
In fact, did I show you that picture of Daddy when he was your age? You look identical to him!
Kid #1: Really?
Me: Besides, If you're created by God, in HIS image, you can't say that's dumb! He doesn't make mistakes like we do.....and He says you were put together, piece by piece right here in my tummy. Not only that, you have particular gifts that NO ONE else has. Special parts of you to be used for His special purpose. And it's not quite time for you to know what all of those purposes are yet....
Kid#1: Ok, you can take pictures of me, but show them to me first.
Me: Deal!
That conversation haunted me at first. I kids are all 6 and under....why am I giving self-image talks already!?!?
But so be it! Though it's hard to tell what leads to those conversations....
the awesome thing lies in the truth....God is the GREATEST INVENTOR! He doesn't make mistakes! We can feel terrible about ourselves, or attempt to re-invent ourselves....but ultimately, the core of our being was given to us for a reason.
Our soul, our gifts, are to be used to change the encounter, one truth at a time.
So this little snippet comes from my own mind, since we were at the Maker Faire this weekend instead of church. We saw So many created things......projects that were years in developing....and life long dreams come to fruition. I couldn't help but think of all the purpose it lacked. There was a whole section on alternative fuel I see the application there.....but many of the the Life Sized MouseTrap we're watching here.......are purely for entertainment's sake.
I think a lack of purpose has taken down lesser men.
Our hearts were created to love, to worship, to honor something, anything.....and really, the only thing Worth all Honor, Power and Glory is our Lord.....and thus the cycle of love is complete....
To Love and be Loved by the Creator of our hearts....that's Amazing!