Thursday, February 25, 2010

Baby Steps

Well folks, we're back from our Orthopaedic check-up.
And yes, I realize that was two full days ago, but I just couldn't stomach writing about it until now.

Let me back up and say......I think I tend to err on the side of sunshine....or atleast glasses three-quarters full.....but Tuesday was bad. 
I was frustrated and angry and not afraid to admit it.

As my dear friend reminded me, it's ok to tell God when you're not happy about something.
He knows life is not all rainbows and warm-fuzzies.  So I and God had 'words.'
And I shed lots of tears.
I'm tired and my son is more tired.  And it's all so unfair.
(And if you're tired of reading about our pity parties...feel free to click here and read about happier times.)

But the reality of the situation is that we will never reach the end of a timeframe where Merrick is magically back to 'normal.'
At no point should I have expected him to put down that foot and take a step.
Maybe I didn't ask enough questions about this surgery, but now we know.  This ordeal is far from over.

We traded one type of gnawing, inexplicable pain, for another.  An avoidable, uncomfortable straining pain.
And it's this new pain that has become a reality for him.
He now knows how to cope with this new pain.
He hobbles/crawls/scoots or uses the walker around our house....and in public he is frustrated by the slowness of his walker, so he begs to be pushed.   Merrick would much rather hop in his wheelchair than spend all day hopping on one leg and steering around his walker.  Wouldn't you? 
Someone asked me about the walker the other I struggled to unload a wheelchair and 5 kids in the rain.....yeah, well, I'll force him to do many things, but that darn walker really does look torurous.  So I get all motherly, and compassionate, and let him take the break.

What I thought would be a blessing to him is too much of a workout.  He has spent the last 6 weeks tenderly nursing this bum leg, and now we expect him to use it again?
Pshaw!  No way, it hurts mom!

Compounding our issue on the way to our Dr. appt he tripped and hurt the top of his foot.
He was using his walker and dropped his 'bad' leg too close to the ground.  I wasn't nearby, but he says he fell onto the top of his foot.  His screams of pain and loads of tears told me it was more than just a stubbed toe.  So I mentioned it to the Dr. during our visit.  I was concerned to have him put weight on it if there was a sprain or even a hairline fracture.  But my concern was pooh-poohed.  And my request for an x-ray deemed unnecessary.  I was told to return in 3-4 days if it still hurt.
Bah!  Can you see where my anger began?  The Momma Bear in me was ready to roar!  You want me to take home a hurting son for half a week when we're here NOW? 

Next, the Dr. explained that he expects much limping, and only gradual weight bearing at first........No rough play for 2 more weeks, and then a total of 6 more weeks of physical therapy before he hopes to see Merrick walking around again.  Um, I'm sorry, at what point did I miss the synopsis of this 12 week process?  When we talked about surgery I was only given info bit by bit.  There is much to be said about asking as many questions as possible, but at that time I only had his casttime recovery in mind.
This trickle of information was obviously meant to keep us limitedly informed so we wouldn't be overwhelmed.  But MAN!  Talk about a shock!

So now the work begins.  I keep praying over his foot and we don't see any bruising or swelling- so the likelyhood of it being broken is slim.  I just wish I knew how hard I should push him.  Both Jarrod and I are so eager to see him walk again, that we talk him through each motion, distract him from the pain of a step, and cheer him for every milestone.  But we're all so tired.  And if he really didn't break anything then his tears are just indicative of how hard we will have to fight for each step. 

Physical therapy is no joke.  This continues to be a long hard journey for Merrick, my softy, sensitive, uber dramatic, and hater of all things uncomfortable middle child. 
Keep praying the miracles our way.  I know they are coming, but they sure are taking their time!


The Ballard Family said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry you are frusterated. I certainly would be too. As parents, we want our kids to get up, wipe off the dust, and get moving. In little Merrick's case this is way more serious. I am sure it is hard to see him uncomfortable, but he will thank you (well maybe not, but he is only 5 so give him a break) for encouraging him to "step" out of his comfort zone when he is all better.

I'll keep praying for your family. I know you and Jarrod are tired and weary, but keep your eyes on God. He will carry you through!

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

Gina said...

The closest I can come to relating to Merrick's pain was after an over-due kne surgery when my dr. expected me to jump up & walk & my knee had other plans. It was a painful 7 frustrating journey for me--& John whop stood by my side & made me walk when I was ready to give up. He could see the bigger picture better than I could in my cloud of pain--thankfully he pushed me. I can only imagine the numerous lessons this experience will hold for the whole lot of you & how much it will strenghten Merrick's character. I read this prayer today, and it seems very befitting for you...

Dear Lord, I need to be reminded daily of Your faithfulness. Reminders such as these give me hope; hope that as You have been for all time, You will be faithful again today and tomorrow. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

We will keep you in prayer <3