Writer's Workshop: Mother's Guilt

Flashback to where it all began..........my first decision as a mother:


So I'm huge and wondering about labor pains, and almost two weeks overdue with our very first baby....our boy....who is apparently a big boy......like up to 12 pounds BIG....or so the Dr. guesstimates!

It's the 1st or 2nd of July when we go in for my check-up and we're presented with options....but not the ones I'm hoping for.........

I would LOVE for someone to speed up this process.....but that's NOT going to happen according to the Dr.

The potential size of our baby brute is complicating matters. First we lose the option of induction....and then slowly.... anything else that might help along the process........(messing with membranes, etc-sorry for the ick factor).
We have two options...though my hubby is leaving it mostly up to me, since it IS my body we're dealing with...........

We can contine to wait a few more days to see if I go into labor naturally.....
or we can schedule a C-section.

I'm game to wait for God to do His thing...but the Dr. keeps stressing that this baby is SO big he might get stuck.....and end up needing an emergency c-section. I'm starting to wonder if he doesn't have a special deal with my insurance......a BOGO of sorts or a bonus for each surgery he charges them for....

But then the Dr. goes into detail about the ramifications of large babies getting 'stuck'........shoulder dislocation, broken collar bones, failed forceps attempts....
and the list goes on.

So despite wanting to put all that Lamaze to practice.....
(seriously I was SO excited to go into labor!) we opted for the c-section........

How could we go into this SO informed and allow our ginormous baby to be harmed in his first few moments on earth??!?!

So then we contemplated b-days.....and here is where my mommy guilt comes in.....

As close as we were to Independence Day we figured we'd do it right ON the 4th!
I mean who wants to be born the day BEFORE a major holiday...or the day after....if you're going to get stuck celebrating around it anyhow....it may as well be right on.....Or so we thought.

That way he could get his bday off work,
have national fireworks displays each year,
and be able to BBQ with his friends at pre-organized venues!

It seemed like a peachy idea....until this year. When he's old enough for a sleep over, but his friends are STILL young enough that their parents want to stay together as a family on Independence Day. I can't blame them.......but it certainly complicates planning!

Oh, tears have been shed, sad faces have been made, and all the while I can SO relate!

Let me qualify......my bday is also days away from the 4th of July and I remember that it was Always an ordeal to plan my parties....since most people took their kids out of town in the weekends around that holiday! It was bad enough that I was a summer baby who NEVER got to celebrate during school...but then I couldn't even have a HUGE swim party because a handful of people were always gone :(

So I've told this story in front of him enough times that he KNOWS the details.

Today while we were discussing the 10th incarnation of this year's party (dates/times continuously adjusted for several kids he HAD to have there!)

He pouted, "WHY did you have me on the 4th of July!?!?"
Argh.


Just when I think I did something right......there will ALWAYS be someone to second guess a decision :(

Sweet boy....you'll thank me when you're turning 21 and you and your friends ALL have the day off....and NO ONE will have to answer to their parents......

Until then....you can keep blaming me and we'll sniffle together...........