Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Lesson Learned...Pride!

As I mentioned HERE, things started moving QUITE quickly the other night. 

There I was wasting precious time on Facebook at 10pm at night.  
I dropped a quick line to a friend of a friend I knew would be moving out of her place soon.
Less than half a dozen messages later we decided they would come over the next day to have a look at our house.  Yes, ladies and gentelmen...that would be less than 15 hours away....take away any sleep I was hoping to get, and factor in church in the morning and I had ZERO time to get my house ready for a 'viewing.'

GAH!  I was a jittery mess thinking of 'qualifications' I would give all along the way.  Then the BOMB dropped.  As I was describing my FB exchange to my husband....and we shared this giggly moment where we rejoiced about God's faithfulness to 'bring' us a renter......He said very gently, "I think you should go to bed and leave the house the way it is."

WHAT?  Como estas??  No habla English!!!  I chuckled nervously...."Well, um that's NOT going to happen," I said SO obediently.  

He smiled, "Babe, this is a God thing.  You can't MAKE it happen."

"I'm not trying to make ANYTHING happen, I just want our house to be presentable to this woman and her family."  (who am I kidding...on Saturdays our house is ALWAYS thrashed because we come and go so quickly on the weekends.  It becomes a dumping ground for equipment, a cafeteria for quick meals, and a locker room for wardrobe changes!) 

I think there were about 5 loads of dirty laundry overflowing various recepticles.....almost every flat surface held clutter, forget about the sweeping or mopping I had done two days before...the dogs had tracked in something strange.....need I say more?

"I'll just stay up tonight and get things straightened up, it won't take me long...."  I stammered.  

"Why are you striving?  I really think you need to look at WHY you want to do's not about what NEEDS to be done, this is about PRIDE," he stated matter-a-factly.   I started straightening the office as he spoke.  "Please stop, babe.  You need to let this be and come to bed,"  He remained calm.

"I just don't think you get how this reflects on me.  On half my job description!  This is my workplace, my responsibility...and I decided to I'm just trying to fix it..."  I stared at him, stupefied by his request.

"Exactly! You're trying to fix this, and take away that much of the glory.  This isn't about YOU.  She'll see past the dirt and disorganization.  And if they are meant to rent this house then we will KNOW it is the Lord!" 

"You are REALLY asking me to do this?  Well, if I go to sleep now, can I have an hour and half after church tomorrow, before I take the kids to that birthday party?"   Defeated, he said, "If that's what it takes.  But you're missing the big picture."

I continued to clean up for atleast 15 more minutes, then I went to sleep and dreamt restlessly about reorganizing my house.

In the morning I woke up early and started cleaning up my bathroom as I got ready.  It was a little thing, but it bugged my hubby, as if I was breaking a no-cleaning pact.  So we fought all the way to church. 
He claimed I had fought dirty by negotiating time to clean in the first place and then waking up early to do MORE cleaning.  All of it was a concession to him....and he just didn't see the point.  Why try to 'gloss up' who we are or what we represent.  Let it be real, let it be true.  Those are FINE lessons.  Along with learning to swallow my pride, and let go of this outward image I think I am protecting so hard.
But can't I just learn those lessons TOMORROW Lord??

Needless to say, I cried so hard that I was too puffy eyed to help lead worship.  Then I just wanted to cry some more as I sat in the car and my family went in to church.  I could FEEL how hard my heart was about this.  I REALLY wanted to be right for the WRONG reasons. 

You may not understand the freedom in being under your husband's headship.  I've told him before he's actually cuter to me when he aserts his authority.  But not this time.  I was MAD at him for making such a request that he KNEW was hard for me to swallow!

Well, I'll wrap this up to say that we made up just fine.  I still came home and cleaned and in that hour and a half my heart changed.  Jarrod was so gracious about helping me clean, and I was just a big walking fuji-face.  It was disgusting.  Believe me it might seem like I 'won' that argument....but you can't do much to mask a lifetime of disorganization and packratitis in an hour and a half.  The surfaces were spit shined as Jarrod likes to say. 

The miracles came later when our soon-to-be-new-renters arrived and completely looked past our clutter.  It was 'lived-in' they said.....that's ONE way of looking at it ;)
 I also didn't cringe while showing them around.  That had been one of my biggest reasons for needing to straighten up.....I said FINE! I'll leave the house as is.....but YOU get to show them around the house, I will NOT be a part of it!  I would feel like a fool with every closet door that opened!
*Wouldn't you know that I never even looked away during the whole tour! 
AND they loved it.
AND I think God is knitting together some fantastic plans for these two families!

To think that I almost missed it by demanding MY way.
It's not an easy thing to submit.  Seriously, sometimes I think I would rather DIE first.
Then the showers of obedience wash over me and I feel renewed rather than defeated.

Thank God for my husband.  He is quite the Shepherd for this band of Weiners.
Weiner sheperds...hee hee


The Ballard Family said...

Nikki, I so feel your pain! I hate it when my husband is so right and is truly being led by God to lead me in the right direction and I am so stubborn that I can't see through my own hard head! It's a tough lesson to learn, but like you said, SOOO attractive!

Keeping you in my prayers!

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you...! Psalm 55:22

Nezzy said...

Oh honey, I commend you for the restraint you did show. I'm so darn obsessive about cleanin' and neatness I couldn't even paused to think about stoppin', it's in my blood. You are blessed with a very wise and understanding hubby there and it sounds like you may have new friends in the process. Woohoo!

God bless and have a beautiful day!

Stef said...

I loved this, Nikki!! Jason and I have had this SAME argument/discussion almost to a "T"!
I feel the same way you do - if my house is a wreck and looks not taken care of, people think that's how I view my family... and its SO not.
I learned a few years ago that it was also a need to control an area of my life, as I got older and realized there's very few ares we "can" control, no matter how hard we tried. So I guess I should say, I've had these fights with God as well... and HE always wins :)

Loved this post and it made me smile at how God is blessing you AND teaching you at the same time! He is so gracious.

Gina said...

What a great reminder! Submission is so two fold. It can be a wonderful umbrella and sometimes it can be like swallowing glass. Still, it is such an important thing to respect. The homefront is such an identifying factor for a mom/wife and sometimes I just don't think the guys get it. But I do get that God knows it all and sometimes we just need to swallow the fact that we can't make anything happen without His consent. So glad you guys made up quickly. And like Stef said, so happy to see God working in your life and teaching at the same time--it's cool!