Moving Day

Even though I'm sore in places that don't make sense, and my toe is the color of a ripe plum, I feel compelled to document the beginning of the end of this journey.

For even on it's first day it was FULL!

Timing:

I find it ironic that we assumed our escrow would close on November 15th.

This was an unconfirmed assumption as our renter's signed a lease on April 13th and we had to wait for them to be in our old house for 6 months.  That put our START of escrow at October 13th....with a 30 day close.

Blah, blah, real estate details.

As our timeline drew to a close we (er....I) pushed for a 15 day escrow hoping to close on November 5th.

As usual there were MORE than enough hiccups to get us to where we were this week....closing on November 16th.  Amazing:  

No matter how HARD I tried to 'make it happen' faster.....

Those keys did not get into my hands until the appointed time.

So yesterday, November 16, 2010- 

The Weiners went home.

hee hee.

Prep:

 Natalia and I picked up our keys, garage door openers and a little box from Tiffany & Co., from the nice salesperson.  I was surprised by the pretty blue and white bundle, but I reminded myself that we DID make quite a big purchase here.  So thank you very much Standard Pacific!   That little candy dish may be the only thing I ever get from Tiffany's!   Ha.

Then I spent the next 3 hours on my knees wiping Tile Sealer onto every eligible surface in our new home.

Let's just say that the little bottle I purchased was supposed to cover 1,000 square feet.  And I wouldn't have complained a bit about the entire process....except that I backed into the corner of a wall and jammed the second toe on my left foot.  Sprained or broken, I was not about to let it hamper this moving process!

So puffy and bruised we finished the job and settled back at my parents while those fumes aired out.

The deliveries begin:

 Today we headed back to the house to welcome our belongings.  With Jarrod still out of town for work it was just myself and one dear set of friends.  Little did I know how hard the three of us were about to work.

Our first POD finally arrived at the very last minutes of their 3 hour delivery window.   Apparently our new development is hard to find.  We spent about an hour unloading the first quarter....maybe even half of that POD when our second POD showed up.  It was about that time that we were told both PODS weren't going to fit in our driveway and that our city has an ordinance where they cannot be stored in the street.

The blessings abound:

Thankfully the driver gave us a little leeway and we kicked it in high gear.  Can I tell you that we unloaded the rest of that POD in less than 20 minutes?  I felt like we were being filmed for a reality show.  It was totally a race against time to undo this 8ft square of boxes row after jam packed row!  We didn't bring it into the house, but everything made it into the garage.  And as long as I wasn't running things up and down the stairs......my little blue toe didn't throb as much!   I am just so thankful to my dear friend Cheri who was there today and who convinced her hubby that this would be a good idea ;)  I tear up thinking about how much they helped today.  Amazing!

She even stuck around and unloaded my entire kitchen!  Another friend, Barb showed up for the evening round and helped me sort through a few boxes and wrap my head around all the decor.  On an earlier note, my mom took Merrick to his dentist appointment and then spent the rest of the day nursing my ailing daughter with chicken soup and vicks.

As you can see, I don't do anything alone.  And what a gift that has been.  Jarrod will be home tomorrow and I can't wait to see his face when he gets to the new house.  Tomorrow we'll unpack more boxes.  And I don't doubt that there will be more help to back me up!  What gifts!

stay tuned.....and until them sit back and enjoy the view.....

The clock is ticking

It's about that time.  It's November after all.....and we're smack dab in the middle of escrow.

What an unnerving and wonderful place to be!

I've been so full of thoughts and unable to organize them enough to put them down here, but just know that the gratitude is flowing over here....BIG time.

Did I ever mention the 'discussion' that started off this journey back in March.....when Jarrod and I had a nice  hash-it-all-out fight.....and we both realized we weren't fighting each other, we were actually fighting for the SAME thing......we were just sick and tired of sitting stagnant...waiting.

We weren't even sure what we were waiting for anymore.  We just tend to take a LONG time making decisions! (Insert Barb's full agreement here)  And sometimes that's due to fear, and other times is just a lack of us making the effort to get on the same page.  Life has a funny way of getting REALLY busy.  Then one day you wake up and realize you're just going through the motions rather than asking God, "What's up?  Where are we headed?"  So we finally did, and the rest is looking kinda history-like.

But the goal was never to buy a brand stinking new house.  The goal was a change.  And an effort to put our heart's desire out there.  We hoped for a little more space in the kitchen.  I longed for a schoolroom.  But is any of that crucial for a faithful walk?   Nah.  But taking that step toward a goal and really relying on the Lord to provide each step along the way.....that was important.  And call it happenstance, but He has provided.  And how.

We can't wait to be settled.    And to pray about our NEXT leap of faith. 

But this week my ponderings are much more organizational.  

I stand and look at this kitchen and for the life of me, I can't figure out where to put the dishes, or the plates, or the coffee station.  Feel free to chime in here.  Near the dishwasher I suppose....

But do I want the dishes down low enough for the kids to help me unload them?

This is where my brain is lacking.....the Martha Stewart functionality is lost on me.

I remember moving into our first home and with all the renovation we needed to make, this was the one wall I painted that stayed the same for the remainder of our time in that house.
These were my squares.  It took us atleast 4 days to tape off and paint this one wall.
I absolutely loved it.  It was serene and it also represented one of our first married couple projects together.

I can't even fathom painting in the new house.  This time I'm more concerned with the functionality of the place.  Where to hang laundry.....how to set up the kid's rooms, if I have enough bath mats for all that tile.
Oh, don't get me wrong.  There will be paint, and LOTS of it!.......but I'm pacing myself.  I'd like to get in there and watch where the light falls during the day.  It all seems so non-urgent.  Well that and the paint is all fresh and new.  God knew what I could handle this time around.  How little I could devote to the BIG projects.  And how even though I asked for this much house.......I can picture Him smiling and saying, "Open up your arms wider dear one.  You have NO idea what's in store for you."

What more could a girl ask for?
(oh that's right, I'm still asking for your help in the kitchen....thanks ;)

Before the Morning

The other day, I met with a sweet, sweet momma of two boys.  Her oldest son was just diagnosed with an Osteoid Osteoma in his left femur.  I still can't believe the similarities between our stories.   Her son is 5, just going to turn 6 yrs old, as was Merrick at the time of his surgery.  His tumor is also in his leg...though the opposite leg than Merrick.  The Dr. guiding their recovery is the same Orthopaedic Specialist.  She is as worried about the MRI as I was.  Watching her hurt, broke my heart.  Talking to her brought back so much of the pain and uncertainty that we went through during the diagnosis process.

Thankfully, her son's tumor is also benign.....and it is also not constantly painful as Merrick's had become.  The location is different, being on the outside of his bone rather than directly inside as Merrick's was....
I really just can't understand why two boys in the same geographical area would have the same type of tumor, at the same age.  Of course it makes you think the problem could be environmental....and then I stop and go....Oh yeah, all of that aside, it points me back to God.

His plans are unfathomable and purposeful.  Even the ones that are meant for evil.  The plans that the enemy thinks will cause us to doubt and to falter.  Those are the plans that are meant for HIS glory.
I hold onto that.  Some would say that this is a crutch.  But if you know Sacrifice.  If you've SEEN firsthand, the daily mercy that is poured over a sorrowful, overwhelmed heart.  
Then you can't deny Love.

We were saved to nurture this baby back to health and to be there through his pain.  We were never meant to be able to take it away from him, as much as we might have prayed that.  The plan for Merrick's life was set out before time began.  And it is a glorious plan.  I rest in that.   I know the same is true for this little boy and his family.

You know how I am about song lyrics.
This one reminded me of this dear friend.
My heart aches with her. 
And while I tear us, I hold out for the Glory of it all.

God has never stopped working in her son's life.
Will you pray with me for little Ryan?  He has a tough road ahead of him.  If his parents choose surgery, it will mean the same bodycast/recovery period as we've gone through.  It's not something that can be rushed.  But as we all know, it IS a process with hope.
I finally think we can see the 'other side' of Merrick's ordeal.  He was still raring to go after a two days in a row of hiking. 

God please give this dear friend a glimpse of that horizon to get her through today:

Before the Morning
by Josh WilsonDo you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning


My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

BTW- the story behind this song is amazing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1ZQKzzyaJI

Over and over, You Prove....You're so Faithful!

Our beloved Auntie Joan let us adopt her worship cd the other day...and two songs have really stood out....but this one is a favorite for even the kids....which leads us each to request it every time we get into the van.

Tonight it's my battle cry:

The darker the night the brighter the day
the fiercer the fight the stronger the faith
so i place my hope in You

the deeper the sin the stronger the blood
the more to forgive, the more reason to love
so i place my trust in You

in Your ways oh God
redemption is so much better than perfection
in Your ways oh God

over and over
You prove You're so faithful
over and over
You prove Yourself a redeemer

so i place all my hope in You

The artist is Kristene Mueller and this song, Redemption rocks like a SixPence None the Richer song.

More importantly it stirred up the promises of God deep down in my heart.
I love the second line....."The Fiercer the Fight...the Stronger the Faith"
What's truer than that?
The harder we need to fight....the more our faith is challenged, and proven to be failing or better yet, proven to be strong!  God let my faith be proven true!  I DO believe you have spoken into our lives and we LONG to follow Your voice.  Let that be able to be said of us...that we followed you, we believed and didn't give up...not for the prize of another house....but for You Lord.  For our faith challenge. 

I really could write a novel about the ups and downs of our househunt......but most of it seems so inconsequential.
Not to discount the daily miracles....but I just don't have time to write ALL of them down!
 
Truly God is in the details, and those are exciting....the glimpses of Him that we see throughout this process....the lessons I'm learning in patience, in submission, in obedience, in humility, all that 'good stuff' ;)
We seem to have found favor in so many avenues.....and yet, physically, we have not 'moved' in the past 4 months.
So in the end my heart quickens at the thought of the finish line.
Yet, even when it seems to be peeking around the corner.......and then the next day another detour is introduced.....I hear this song...

Over and over....You've proved You're so Faithful.
Over and over.....You've proved Yourself a Redeemer.

Amen and Amen...
not only has He redeemed my fallen soul, my imperfect natural, sinful ways.....but He promises to redeem the time.  This time of dryness, of what sometimes feels like 'wandering' through the wilderness.
It's all redeemable.
Because He is true, and these things are NOT happening without reason.

So we sit back and agree.....

Yes, Lord
We place our hope in You.
We place our Trust in You.
Thank you for being trustworthy......and so much more.

That's a wrap folks!

2010 is halfway over! Can you believe it?

Friday night was our Open House/Graduation for our Science/History/Art Co-op.

The kids had such an amazing time showing off their work and performing for their family. 

As their teacher, and mostly as their momma it was wonderful to see at a glance just how much they really learned during this hectic year!

I'll feature much more about that evening on our family blog, but here is one of my favorite pieces.

A lapbook about George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

Merrick and Ian made their 'Washington French'...see the mustache.  "Wee wee,"  they'll say if you ask them about it.  It's hilarious!

As I was saying though....

We've wrapped up the school year and have begun planning for next year.

This week is also the last week of baseball for the boys.

I snapped this shot at today's game.

I love the angle of Merrick tapping the base as he readies to hit Ian home (from 3rd base.)

There he goes! What great teamwork! 

And just think, this moment was NOT doctor recommended!

Remember this guy....we signed him up for baseball against the orders of his doctor ....well atleast with the knowledge that he may not be able to run just 6 weeks after surgery. 

Well this was him at one of his first baseball practices.  He hobbled with the aid of a walker, and he tired very easily.  He didn't even bother trying to hit the ball since he didn't have the balance to stand unassissted.

And just look at him now....

That's the way you score a run baby!

And that would be the game ball!

Those events were spread out over this season.

A successful season if you ask me!

So I sit here tonight So grateful for our kid's health.

For Merrick's recovery, and for the grace of God that allowed our kids to learn SO much even as we worked our way through a tumor diagnosis, major surgery, recovery, and then moving out of our house.

It's been quite a ride to say the least!

And like I said, 2010 is only HALF way done ;)

To the other half I say....bring it!

On the to-do list...

....to wrap up two miraculous times with one great big bow.

We had this Ginormous foof chair on loan for Merrick's recovery.

Now that our boy is cast-free and mobile, our desperate preparation times seem so far away!

But at that time we hunted for a large bean bag to give him another surface to lay on.  (Rather than his only option to go from bed to couch each day).  Little did we know that even the smallest bean bag starts at $80.  We could pay that and keep it around as a reading chair, but then what about our other 2 kids? 

My motto is 'Life is not fair, deal with it...'  but really, we would need 3 bean bags for sure if this was going to stay in our house. And $300 was just not in the budget.

Then we thought they could share one of those bigger bags...but um, those cost the same but for ONE bag.

So a friend put out the word on one of her yahoo groups (she is uber networked around here!)

And Foof!  Two days later a complete stranger was dropping off this HUGE chair to our house.

 

I was blown away by the generosity......I really don't know if I'd be able to loan out such a unique piece.

But she assured me we could keep it as long as we needed it and that it wasn't too precious for the random dog hair it might accumulate in our home.  Ok......

And enjoy it we did.  Especially after I found the white paint handprints on it (not from us)......it was obviously not a super prized possession.  It turned out to be a fantastic alternative for our semi-immobile boy.

So we rolled that puppy around our front room for over 2 months.  Then this whole move came up and I knew we needed to return the foof chair to it's rightful owners.

Thankfully, I picked a day that the kids were with Marmar, as, you'll see, they would NOT fit into this equation very well.....

Let me start by asking...have I mentioned how heavy this thing is?  It's full of foam, and is atleast 5 feet round.

I used to have to force it onto the couch with a roll-tuck-full-on-press maneuver when I swept the floor.

Now it was time to take my moves outside.

On this fine afternoon I heaved and ho'd and rolled it out to the van.  Unfortunately, Jarrod was on his way home from work so the truckbed was not an option.

Then I proceeded to shove.

And I have to tell you, I must have been a sight to see.

I am no small person, and in this chair, I had a formidable foe.

I pushed SO hard I was rocking the entire van.....and by now I had the giggles.

The thing would not budge through the doorframe. 

I tried every trick in the book, save one. 

I pushed, I squeezed, I  hugged, I pleaded, and think I even promised it a new cover....

Ten minutes later I called Jarrod to see if he was nearby to help me.

That and I just needed someone to laugh with.

Literally, there wasn't a soul around anywhere to appreciate this madness, my entire block was silent. 

The darn thing just stuck there in the doorway of the van.  When I called Jarrod he suggested laying down the back seat and pushing it in from that entrance.  Um, by now it was a bit too late for that.  We were halfway in.  Some might say we were halfway out...but that is neither here nor there ;)

I finally stopped laughing at myself long enough to tip that front seat forward and with a few more shoves....Wa la!  Success!

I will say that foam chairs are NOT pliable like a bean bag.  Which is a good trait for furniture.....but not when you're loading them in a van.

I actually waited the extra ten minutes for Jarrod to arrive and go WITH me to drop it off. 

It was priceless watching the reverse process.

Jarrod had to tug pretty hard to coax that beast out of the van.

I couldn't help him from my position on the curb laughing my butt off!

The funniest part was how helpful the lady was when we returned the foof chair.  She had all kinds of househunting advice for us.

I tell ya, it's a mighty small world out there.....and  most people really are rooting for each other.

Sometimes it just takes the tragedies in life to bring us out of our shells and to lend to a total stranger.

By the time it was over, I was praising God for His provisions in comforting my son with this perk, to keep us smiling along the way and to bring a community to rally around us.

To-Do List:

1. Nurse Merrick back to health- CHECK

2. Return Giant Foof Chair- CHECK

3.  Make strangers into friends- CHECK

4.  Rent out house and move to Marmar & Papi's- CHECK

5.  Share of all the good God has done along the way- CHECK

Closing time....

Well that's the song stuck in my head anyway.....though we haven't really closed on anything...but it sure is time to get OUT of our old house!
We've installed a new shower, painted a bathroom, patched holes, boxed up 3 truckloads of garage sale items, filled two 16 foot PODS, shampooed carpets and scraped ceilings.  All in 20 days or less!

NOW for the good stuff!
We've been living with my parents now since Easter Sunday, and they haven't kicked us out YET ;)
Thankfully we took our 'spring break' this week and we managed to sneak in a few fun outings while in the midst of packing, and househunting.  My kids are sorely off schedule...but what a gift to be able to take a break from school at such an appropriate time!

We were the only offer submitted for that first house I mentioned in the last post.  We were a day away from having our bid accepted,.......when we decided to cancel the bid.  A funny thing, our first offer, and it would have been SO easy to just go with the flow since everything was rolling along.  Instead we trusted the guidance we were receiving and we had a peace through all of our prayers, that this house would have been somewhere we 'settled on.'  

In the past week, as we've turned our life upsidedown, and then proceeded to hang on for the ride that is househunting......we've realized a couple of things:
 1. God has such great gifts for His kids (thanks for that quote- you know who you are!)
2.  We can't MAKE this happen, we instead need to surrender our will to HIS will...and be willing to wait.
3.  The simple things like dropping to the floor to play Polly Pockets with Talia....those are more important than running around looking for boxes.
4.  When we need them most, friends will come out of the woodwork to help!
5.  I can get really ugly when I have a cold, and I'm exhausted.....
6.  My husband has wellsprings of energy that allow him to start work at 5am and then come home and work on the house until midnight.  His selflessness is never really praised enough.  I adore him so.
7.  Our family is really great, and So uber dependable!
8.   We can fully underestimate the enormity of a process, and yet come through it unscathed and better for it.

I'd like to make this list an even 10 thougths...but I'm up way too late as it is.  It was that darn Starbucks at 9pm that did it!

We'll be out of our old home this week, and we do not currently have any offers out on a house. 
Our fantastic tenants will be painting rooms tomorrow, and I'm SO excited for their journey to begin as well.
Thank you for praying over our family.
This process has included many snafus ( me rear-ending a parked car because the boxes in my passenger seat were creating a blindspot) or spilt coffee drenching a 5 gallon bucket of white paint. 
But we're still laughing at each other, and praising God for His foresight to see us through this.
I pray you see Him in your circumstances today as well!

Super Merrick the Mobile

(this is the tip top part of Merrick's cast .....the first thing he sees when he looks down at his chest...so it says My Super Merrick........then our Sunday School Director went and added.....Hello I'm Mr. Jerry- ahem. a little kill-joy there....but it makes me laugh everytime.  Now back to Super Merrick)

It seems atleast a week ago since my last post on this blog.  It was the night before we would return to co-op, our twice weekly school routine.  And two nights before I would attend the funeral services for Danica.

My mood was very dreary.  Not depressed like looking up from a bottomless pit, but sad at the tragedy all around me and the lack of 'life' moving about us.  So I packed us up and prepared for the worst as we attempted to put some 'normality' back into our lives. 

And I have to tell you that the next two days have been amazing!

That morning, we woke up, got dressed and loaded the car without incident.  And when I say without incident, I mean WITHOUT RAIN! 

I swear, the Righteous Right hand of my Daddy was holding back the rain while I loaded up the van.  And though I had towels, and umbrellas and a change of clothes if we should get soaked, I needed NONE of it!

The kids and I laughed in relief as we drove to 'school' for the first time in months! (what with the Christmas Break and surgery, it was November the last time we were there as a family!)

Co-op was amazing, minus one snafu that you'll have to read about on the family blog.  Suffice it to say that with enough momentum, a wheelchair can be a deadly weapon!

After two successful classes, and a party, we loaded up to come home.  And though it began to rain while we were packing up the van, none of us ended up wet.  It was a bit of a miracle in itself as the driver of the car next to us ended up soaked while she loaded up her baby and a stroller.  Somehow, I wasn't even damp even though all I had on was a hooded sweatshirt!  Very cool.

Then Friday came, and God worked out every single detail so that I ended up being able to attend an hour of Danica's funeral.  I had wanted to go, but a playdate or childcare for a boy in Merrick's state is pretty hard to come by.  Beside that, we had purchased OVO tickets months ago for my mom's birthday.  So VERY gracious friends were ready and willing to watch the kids for the final hours before Jarrod came home. 

Thankfully, Jarrod was able to work from home and I was able to leave guilt-free that night.  My mom, dad, sister and I had an amazing time watching the Cirque du Soleil show and another miracle took place at home.

Jarrod was working while the kids watched a movie, and Merrick decided to move from one 'station' to another.  He managed to STAND UP on his good leg and hop over to the couch from the poof chair!

The rest of the night became an experiment in testing his new ability.

Long-story short, I came home that night to an obsolete bedpan, and a happy boy and his daddy!

All day Saturday Merrick practiced with the walker or manuevered from place to place holding onto furniture. 

So it is with confidence that I say Merrick is MOBILE!  Woo hooo........the days of lifting, carrying and dumping bedpans should be over!  But more importantly I'm praising God for Merrick's newfound confidence and joy!

If you said it before, you are right.

This time has flown by!  I can hardly believe this is the beginning of the end! 

Thank you, thank you for your prayers!  As I write this I feel giddy with thanks and hope for the future!

God is so good! All the time :D

The Power of Prayer

I want to share a bit before tomorrow's surgery.

I am already overflowing with answered prayers......and since you are among those faithful pray-ers....I want you to share in the benefits :D

First of all....we head to surgery tomorrow.  You may think that is a given.

But I was very nervous about Merrick getting too sick for the procedure.   Over the weekend Natalia started with the sniffles, which she shared with her dad.  Surprisingly no one else actually got sick.  Just our little girl. 

I had sent out several requests for prayer because Merrick's pain level has increased this week, and I just couldn't see how we could put off surgery for a later date.

But God knew.  He knew that Talia would cough in Merrick's face atleast a dozen times a day, and that she would apologize, but the damage would be done.  Yet, He protected Merrick from the germs. 

Prayer one answered.  We are well enough to proceed!

The next prayer was answered before we even knew we had a need.  It started back in December when Jarrod's entire team received Christmas bonuses.......yet our mailbox stayed empty.  We tried to shake it off and not worry about it....knowing that a bonus at his company is not a given.  Then all of a sudden a check arrived dated January 1st.  Two days later we received a call from our insurance company.  We would need to bring a co-pay to the hospital the day of the surgery.  Wouldn't you know that those hundreds of dollars would exactly match the amount of Jarrod's bonus.

Prayer number two answered.  Finances wrapped up with a bow!

The next prayers we see answered in hindsight.  The result is a calm boy, super excited for surgery in the morning.  Does the cast worry him? No.  Is he afraid of 'going to sleep'? No. 

As I marvelled at his serenity, my heart stirred with the answers.

Earlier this year Merrick fell and broke his forearm.  His experience with that cast was pleasant and fun.   Though it seemed like a trial at the time, it introduced him to life with a temporary handicap.   He handled it like a pro.  Then we came to the MRI which I STRESSED over.  I hated to see him freak out, or see me freak out while the anesthesia was administered.  God orchestrated the perfect scenario, better than I could have EVER planned.  The result?  Merrick has NO fear of the anesthesia tomorrow.  He knows he can 'go to sleep' and the Dr. will do his job, then he will wake up and we will be there to greet him.  Easy peasy.

Prayers number 3 through ?......answered.  In ways better than I could have EVER explained to a 5 year old.

So you see, your labours are not in vain.  Today I busied myself with reorganizing our schoolroom.  The kids played like it was any other day, and we shared dinner with some amazing friends.  There was no hint of tension or anxiety around our home.  And I attribute that to 'the peace that passes ALL understanding.'

No matter the outcome tomorrow we walk into this knowing there are plans for our lives greater than those we could dream up ourselves.  'Plans to prosper us and NOT to harm us.  Plans for a hope and a future.'

And we share this victory with you our Prayer Warriors!

Emmanuel.....a Merrick update

Who is Emma Nuel?

that was the question on everyone's mind as they entered our cozy house for Christmas dinner.

The simple slip of my glittered letters had changed the whole meaning of our message.

Emma Nuel?  I asked.

What are you TALKING about?

Then they'd point and a 'light bulb' would go off for all of us.....

I have been dragging my feet to update you here about Merrick's condition.  Part of the reason was the second opinion we are still waiting on....

and the other part is plain ol exhaustion.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas Jarrod has been out of town, and it's been all I can do to keep up with Christmas things.  I KNOW I sound like such a whiner...but I'm just trying to keep it real here. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I SO do not enjoy being a single momma.  I thank God for sendung me a partner-in-crime to run beside on this race.   He backs me up when I fall behind, he keeps me from giving up and he reminds me to cancel the pity parties....

without him I drop my eyes and forget that Christ will use ALL of this for our future....

we HAVE a hope and a future now!

Back to Merrick.  I overnighted his medical records to a Dr at UCSF.  Unfortunately, this Dr. was on his way out of the country and did not return until today.  He has been in constant email contact with me, but did not have the records to review while we was away.  On top of that he said his schedule is not open for an ablation until the end of January.

In the meantime I took all of our concerns to our current Ped. Ortho Specialist....and he answered every question  I had and set my mind at ease about the surgery.

At the time of our first meeting, I think Jarrod and I were in SUCH a fog listening to the diagnosis.  We failed to hear many of the details.  One of them being that this case has already gone before a board of doctors and they could not agree if this is definitely a tumor.  The mass may also be a bacteria infection, that if ablated could return again requiring further treatment.

Our current doctor wants to be sure that he can go in, remove ALL of the tumor and then be able to test it to be sure of what he is dealing with.  If it is an Osteoid Ostema as we suspect, then no further treatment will be necessary.  But if it is something else, he does not want to destroy it without being able to identify it first.

Clear as mud?

It comes down to being certain.  Yes, there may be another course of action for an Osteoid Osteoma....but if we cannot be 100% certain that that is what this is....then we are confident in taking the most cautious route.

And if that means 4 weeks in a body cast, so be it.

We can do this. 

So our surgery date is set for January 7th.

And I have SUCH a peace about this procedure.

We may still hear from UCSF in time, but unless he has something entirely new which we can consider, we're walking into this surgery thankful that this is treatable.

So back to Emma Nuel.....

Everytime I see that sign I:

a) laugh at the separation of the letters

then

b) remember the meaning of Emmanuel- God With Us!

He has never left Merrick, and we were never alone in making these decisions.  Whether His voice is audible, or his presence palpable......I know we are not taking this journey blindly.

1 John 4:16

I can know and depend on the love that God has for us!

Amen

Emmanuel

You inspire me....

For

-your willingness to want to heal

-being candid with your anger

-desiring a life of service

-working toward restoration

-taking a sabbatical

-reaching out for help

-admitting that something is wrong

-gathering such amazing support

-being true to your roots

-desiring to mourn instead of bottling it up

-making connections

-admitting you have limitations

-wanting to change

-being so open to feedback

-loving so deeply

-being loyal to your family

-being loyal to your calling

-wanting to share your journey

-having goals I only dream about speaking

-standing out among a selfish generation

-your humility

-the last few years

-being exactly what God made you. Nothing more, nothing less, but perfectly amazing.

You know who you are. And that's all I want you to know.

I love you!

Worship Flub

So have I mentioned that I can carry a tune?
Only at church...so don't ask for a serenade ;)

But I love to lead people in worship.....except when I mess up the words....and then I start giggling. Or like when I HAVE to burp and my mic is on SO loud! Or if I'm wearing super dark lipstick and I smear it across my face as I bump into the mic......ah, yes, those are the moments I LIVE to be onstage!

Most of that could be humorous on any other stage....but in church, the focus is NOT supposed to be on me...I'm there to point ya'll to Christ....See HIM, HE loves you and is worthy of ALL our worship.....so burping/giggling/primping, it's just not proper.....or so I assume.

You'd think after more than 16 years with dozens of bands- things like this wouldn't phase me.
But this morning I goofed the words to a song.....not too much but I know SOMEONE out there noticed.....
I meshed two words together......and 'Father' blended with 'heart'.... to form:
You guessed it:
FART!

awesome.

I.

am.

so.

special.

Sorry Lord! So glad you have a sense of humor......I mean you're the one who put me on the stage in the first place!

Thanks for keeping me humble!
Father.....you have my HEART <3

I long to be like a little child....

From my perch on the stage I see alot of things....I see the sour expressions of couples who are clearly irritated with each other....I see that person who is too stiff to clap, or that lady letting loose with her hands in the air.

It's the reason I tend to close my eyes when I'm singing on-stage. After all, my point in being up there is to help lead others in worship....not to be on display. So when I close my eyes, I can shut down all the distractions that are merely feet away. The adorable babies cooing in the back, the random college aged man who insists on dancing to the fast songs......and also from the emotions.

This past Sunday I almost lost it, as I often do. There really isn't anything MORE emotional than praising the God of the entire Universe! So in the midst of the majesty, the Power and Glory of the Almighty, I often tear up. Now add to that the faces out there, standing and looking over my shoulder at the words on the screen. Those faces, those souls, have SO much going on.....

• There is the man whose wife suffered a stroke and who he visits each day by taking an hour long train ride each way.
• There is the grandmother whose daughter just miscarried, and she can barely stand before her God as she struggles with questions and anger.
• There is the young man who attends this church each week, more faithful than many others, but who struggles with questions of Divinity versus Science. He is not a believer, but a faithful questioner.
• I see the woman who is struggling with a chronic disease, an illness which took her mom at a young age. And now she stands here mere weeks away from starting dialysis to save the kidney function she has left. Her pre-teenaged kids flank her on each side.

Every person out there has a story, a struggle, a heartache. Yes, there IS joy on many of the faces, but it's the other faces that overwhelm me when my defenses are down.

And boy when that happens, my heart races, my palms sweat and my throat constricts. I SOOO don't want to be a distraction if I start crying. That would defeat my purpose in being up there. I'm not alone on stage, but the focus is there....I am alone at the mic.

So I silently pray for those hearts as we sing. I pray against the attacks they are under, against the weights they carry. I pray for this moment to be pure, and purposeful. For them to see Jesus without the distractions which they carried into this room. Regardless of the style of music, or the song we're playing, or the clothes we're wearing. Even those things can detract from our purpose. To bow our hearts:

Open up the skies of mercy

And rain down, your cleansing flood

Healing waters rise around us

Draw us near Lord, meet us here........

Yes, Lord, those healing waters are needed, both physically and spiritually.

I am grateful for the opportunity to serve here, on this stage, but I'm also overwhelmed at times by my humanity. This weak body that is so quick to poor out tears.........

But tears are not needful right now,

Come now is the time to worship.....

Come now is the time to give your heart

Come just as you are to worship.....

Come just as you are before your God......Come

I just want to enter your presence like a child. In awe and wonder of your splendor. Oblivious to the hurting and trials. But stayed by your Strong Arm, Your Righteous Right hand!

And Lord if I can lead two or three into your Presence, without them even seeing me, not even noticing I'm there......like a silent pied piper; then Lord I believe this gift will have been used.

Sometimes I just feel so weak.......it's then that I need you to shore me up....and steady my course.

Then I think.....thank you God that I am Able to FEEL.....

That also is a gift. That each service is a new time to offer to you. To long for your presence for all of those people, and in my own heart as well.

To be like a child, raising pudgy fingers.....arms outstretched, and welcoming a lift.

Fully surrendering my right to walk or run this race, and longing to rest my head on your chest.....to hear the beat of your music Lord. The sounds that echo around your Throne.

Now unto to Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Jude 1:24-25